Why Do People Have Affairs?

The road to infidelity is often paved with a myriad of reasons. This makes the answer to the question as complicated as our human nature itself.

However, one truth about affairs is that no reason can truly justify crossing the line, whether by choice or a slip-up.

So, why do they do people have affairs anyway despite knowing some or all of its challenges?

Well, we found three main reasons why people have affairs, and they mainly stem from:

• A feeling of neglect
• A need to satisfy a desire
• An intentional or unintentional situation

Call them selfish, but to truly grasp why people cheat, it’s crucial to understand these three root causes of affairs.

Due To Feeling Neglected 

Ever felt like you’re just not getting what you need out of a relationship? 

Yeah, when there’s a serious lack of love or the passion’s just fizzled out, commitment feels kinda meh. And the worst part is that it can leave you feeling pretty neglected. 

But it’s not just about missing the spark or feeling bored. A giant gap in communication, respect, or, let’s be real, in the bedroom, can really make someone crave that missed intimacy elsewhere. 

It’s not always about finding someone new to love, but more about reconnecting with parts of themselves they’ve lost along the way.

Need To Satisfy a Desire

Affairs often brew from a cocktail of temptation, a missing spark at home, and the yearn for something new. This is what can make affairs feel and seem like fun.

They’re about more than just sex. It’s the thrill of the chase, feeling wanted, and exploring uncharted territories of desire that can make people crave affairs. 

An affair offers them a chance to feel alive, valued, and to rediscover parts of themselves. All this adds that forbidden spice that makes affairs addictive since they fuel your deepest desires.

Because Of a Situation

Sometimes, the setting’s just right for something to spark—like those close working relationships that gradually evolve into something more. 

It’s not all about the environment, though. Personal issues can also play a huge role in triggering an affair too. Whether it’s someone deliberately sabotaging his/her happiness or falling into a pattern of seeking solace in the wrong places.

Though, here’s the kicker: regardless of the situation, choosing to have an affair is just that, a choice. Calling it an “Oops!” moment doesn’t quite cut it.

Of course, grasping these motives doesn’t fix the complexities of relationships overnight. But hey, it does shed some light on the nature of infidelity.

Do Affairs Last?

Affairs typically last anywhere from a few weeks to over a decade or even a lifetime in length. This time aspect is what signifies the main difference between an affair and cheating.

But do they always last or work out? 

The stark truth is, all affairs are naturally designed to end. They simply exist to offer a temporary escape from reality and cannot serve as a foundation for a real relationship. 

Category	Length	Examples
Short Term Affairs	Few days to weeks (3+)	Cheating on a one night stand
Long-Term Affairs	Weeks to years (2+)	Having a mid-life crisis affair
Lifelong Extramarital Affairs	Over 5 to 10+ years	An affair with a mistress

In fact, stats show that  fewer than 10% of relationships from affairs result in marriage. More than 75% of these relationships always end in divorce since they were doomed from the start.

Moreover, the fallout from an affair can be equally profound and damaging, affecting marriages, families, and even careers. This is what adds on to their limited shelf life.

However, for something that is universally forbidden, yet universally practiced, it begs the question — is an affair ever a good idea? Is it worth it? And does an affair make you happy?

Well, the answer will all depend on what a successful extramarital affair personally means to you. And to truly answer those questions, we’ll need to delve into the three different types of affairs.

The 3 Main Types of Affairs

How you start, manage, and end an affair partly dictates the kind of success you will have from it. And for most people, time is a big measure of that success.

One thing you may have already noticed is that affairs transition from different levels – and there can be many at any single time.

But categorizing affairs based on the nature of the affair rather than the attributes of the people involved gives us three main types:

• Emotional Affairs
• Physical Affairs
• Romantic Affairs

Features	Physical Affair	Emotional Affair	Romantic Affair
How long does it last?	Few weeks – 1 year (short)	Few weeks – 5+ years (medium to long)	Months – 10+ years (medium to long)
What usually happens in it?	More physical less emotion	Non-sexual in nature. Only emotions involved	Emotions and Physical
How does it progress?	Can always turns into an emotional affair	Turns to a physical if conditions allow.	May lead to perceived real love
How common is it?	Very common due to its short duration	Relatively common due to the ease of starting	Challenging to quantify as it requires dedication
Examples	– Revenge affair, – Exit affair, – Philandrer affair, – Casual affair – Illicit affair – Accidental affair	– Cyber affair – Online affair, – Conflict avoidance affair, – Entitlement affair- Platonic affair	– Mind body spirit affair, – Split self affair- Secret love affair

Physical Affair

Physical affairs are all about the action without heavy emotional ties, unlike their emotional counterparts. But this alone doesn’t make them less damaging than the other types of affairs.

They often start spontaneously and may last anywhere from a few weeks to a year. However, these affairs don’t always remain purely physical forever. With time, they eventually transition to romantic affairs once emotions kick in.

Emotional Affair

An emotional affair is like the sneakier side of cheating since it is characterized by deep and intense platonic connections. This means that even acts such as kissing are out of the question.

But while emotional affairs lack physical contact, they can still be a big deal as they’re highly addictive.

Emotional affairs can also turn physical and may end up being perceived as real love. This is what can make them so devastating and hard to end.

Romantic Love Affair

When it comes to affairs, romantic love affairs are like the full package deal – you’re getting both the heart and the body involved. 

This potent blend of emotional and physical connections makes it one of the longest-lasting types of affairs. Think secret love rendezvous, or those complicated double-life scenarios – they’re all in the mix.

So, is one type of affair worse than another?

Well, not really. And that’s because any type of affair can still have devastating effects such as feelings of guilt or worse – divorce.

3 Best Places To Find An Affair Partner

If you’re considering stepping into the world of affairs, the first step is crucial — finding the right place to meet your potential partner in crime.

So, where exactly should you go to find an affair partner?

Well, to increase your chances of success, you can start off with any of these three places:

1. Married dating sites
2. The workplace environment
3. Social places or events

1. Married Dating Sites (Best Overall)

Thinking of dipping your toes into the world of affairs for the first time? 

You’re better off starting with married dating sites which are like the exclusive VIP section.

Forget the endless swiping on sites like Tinder; dating sites for married people are tailored specifically for those who seek a little extramarital adventeure

Below are a few top picks to get you started:

Site	No. of Users	Male to Female Ratio	Starting Price
AshleyMadison
SeekingArrangement
SecretBenefits
WhatsYourPrice

Think of them as your secret hideaway where anonymity reigns supreme. Plus, you’re surrounded by like-minded individuals who understand the thrill of discretion.

With thousands of potential matches at your fingertips, finding a compatible affair partner online will be a breeze.

2. The Workplace Environment (Most Convenient)

It’s no secret that the workplace is a breeding ground for affairs. The long hours spent together, coupled with plenty of opportunities for clandestine encounters makes it a deal breaker. 

And it’s easy to see why more than 85% of affairs usually start at the workplace. But before you start eyeing that cute female coworker, tread carefully.

Sure, the convenience factor is tempting, but one wrong move could spell disaster for your career and personal life.

Nevertheless, if you do decide to have an affair at work, keep your wits about you and proceed with caution.

3. Social Places or Events

For those who prefer a more old-school approach, social gatherings are another hot spot for affair seekers. 

Whether it’s a swanky cocktail party or a cozy wine tasting event, there’s no shortage of opportunities to meet someone new.

But be warned: approaching a married man or woman for an affair in public requires finesse.

How To Start An Affair

So, you’ve still got the itch for a little extramarital excitement, and you’ve already scoped out the perfect place to find your affair partner.

Great!

But how exactly do you start an affair? What does it really look like? And should you outrightly ask for an affair?

Buckle up, because we have the cheat sheet, broken down into three simple steps for you:

• Step 1: Get their attention through attraction
• Step 2: Admit your feelings for them
• Step 3: Satisfy their needs

Step 1: Attraction — Get Their Attention

Alright, let’s kick things off with a little subtle seduction. 

You want to catch their eye without setting off any alarm bells. Think subtle hints and flirty banter rather than a full-on declaration of intent. After all, you want to reel them in, not scare them off.

As such, seductive flirting is crucial when starting an affair. That’s because an affair isn’t exactly like diving into a traditional relationship. It’s a delicate dance with its own set of rules. 

The key here is to make them curious, maybe even a little obsessed. And trust me, a little flirtation can go a long way in piquing their interest without them knowing.

Step 2: Affirmation — Admit Your Feelings

Once you’ve got their attention, it’s time to lay your cards on the table. But hold your horses—make sure they’re sending out signals too. No one wants to be left hanging. 

Sure, confessing your feelings is a pretty vulnerable move, but it’s essential for building trust and understanding between you two. 

Plus, it gives them the closure they need to fully dive into this forbidden romance. And this is something both of you will need throughout the affair.

Step 3: Accommodation — Satisfy Their Needs

Now comes the fun part—fulfilling their desires, and probably yours too. 

You’ve done your homework, so you should have a pretty good idea of what makes them tick. Whether it’s a listening ear or some steamy bedroom action, it’s all about meeting their needs, both physical and emotional. 

Remember, this isn’t just about a quick fling. It’s more about nurturing a deep, meaningful connection that leaves them craving more. And as you delve deeper into satisfying each other’s desires, you’ll find that at this point, it is unmistakably an affair.

But wait, there’s more. 

Getting that first kiss is just the beginning. To truly have a successful affair, you need to know how to navigate the murky waters. And it begins with knowing a few ground rules.

The 4 Basic Ground Rules For Having An Affair

In the complex world of extramarital relationships, understanding the ground rules for affairs is crucial. It’s no secret that some affairs last for years, while others fizzle out quickly. 

But what sets the successful ones apart?

1. A sense of individual well-being
2. Clear boundaries
3. Discretion
4. An exit strategy

Exploring these basic rules can shed light on how secret relationships work and how they can last.

1. Ensure YOU Are Comfortable

Entering an affair is like stepping into a minefield. So, it’s crucial to ensure your comfort amid the potential chaos that can erupt. 

From risking marriages to facing legal repercussions, the fallout can be pretty immense.

But by understanding and addressing your own needs and boundaries, you lay the foundation for a healthier and more sustainable extramarital relationship.

Do’s	Don’ts
– Prepare for guilt – Accept your role – Consider all involved – Communicate openly – Prioritize your well-being – Identify your sought benefits – Acknowledge its consequences – Understand its temporary nature	– Bottle up feelings – Do it to seek revenge – Compromise your values – Have unrealistic expectations – Sacrifice your personal needs – Expect partner to leave spouse – Engage if secrecy is uncomfortable

2. Set Boundaries Early

Normalize laying down ground rules from the get-go, so everyone knows where they stand. This can help prevent the affair from spiraling into a real love affair.

By establishing clear limits and expectations from the outset, both parties can navigate the complexities of an affair with greater clarity and respect.

Do’s	Don’ts
– Practice safe sex – Set realistic expectations – Stick to your daily routine – Establish clear ground rules – Revisit boundaries regularly – Limit your number of partners – Keep communication simple – Respect your partner’s boundaries	– Ignore red flags – Rush into things – Get overly attached – Badmouth the spouse – Mix money into the affair – Forget that you’re married – Get involved with their family – Sacrifice your needs for the affair

3. Keep Your Lips Sealed

Keeping your lips sealed is the golden rule of affairs, ensuring both discretion and control. It also shields both parties from premature exposure, thus preserving trust and maintaining the thrill.

By safeguarding privacy and protecting loved ones from pain or social repercussions, your affair can thrive, undisturbed by external judgment or consequences.

Do’s	Don’ts
– Blend in discreetly – Establish a scapegoat – Erase your digital trails – Change up hotel choices – Always deny involvement – Avoid any written evidences – Be prepared for confrontation – Maintain a high level of secrecy – Use cash only or a separate card	– Giving or accept gifts – Becoming complacent – Ignoring your own values – Leaving any traces of the affair – Telling your friends about the affair – Neglecting your primary relationship – Publicizing yourself on social media

4. Leave If It Becomes Serious

If things start to get too hot to handle, don’t hesitate to hit the brakes. Exiting the affair if it starts to escalate beyond your comfort zone is essential for both your sakes. 

Remember, maintaining control over your emotions and the situation is key to preserving your well-being and protecting all parties involved.

Do’s	Don’ts
– Be honest about your feelings – Establish a support network – Communicate clearly – Focus on your self care – Practice patience – Allow yourself to heal in the aftermath	– Rush into decisions – Resort to ultimatums to end the affair – Expecting quick fixes

How To Hide An Affair

When it comes to having an affair, just zipping your lips won’t cut it.

To pull off a successful affair, you’ve got to keep everything under wraps to dodge any messy fallout from early exposure.

So, here’s the deal: NEVER think about spilling the beans until the affair is officially over. It’s a tough ask, but owning up prematurely could wreak more havoc.

Now, how do you keep an affair secret without getting caught or blowing your cover?

Easy peasy. Just focus on three main things:

• Clearing your digital footprint
• Carefully planning for dates with your affair partner,
• Avoiding suspicion from your spouse, friends and colleagues

Clear Your Digital Footprint

In our digital age, it’s easy to slip up and leave digital breadcrumbs of your affair all over your devices. 

That’s why one of the first things people do to hide their affairs is to clear out their digital footprint.

Don’t get all sentimental about those texts or photos your side piece sent you. Just hit delete and empty that recycle bin. 

After all, it’s never healthy for your partner to know the details of your affair through a digital mishap. This can be far damaging than telling them the truth.

Below are a few things you can do to get started:

Activity	Why should you do it?	What to do
1. Conduct routine checks on your devices	Prevents unauthorized access to your phone and ensures you are comfortable / less suspicious.	– Check for any suspicious activities or unfamiliar apps – Consider using security apps
2. Setup separate email and IM accounts from the outset	Maintains secrecy and prevents cross-contamination of personal data	– Open new accounts – Use discrete usernames and passwords – Keep personal and affair-related accounts separate
3. Regularly protect your data from potential exposure	Minimizes the risk of digital exposure	– Encrypt sensitive files or messages – Use secure messaging apps/platforms – Clear your browsing history – Use vague language, not explicit – Use codewords and nicknames
4. Maintain consistent digital habits and adhere to established rules	Creates consistency and reduces the likelihood of slip-ups	– Establish specifi times for communication – Be mindful of digital footprints

Plan For Your Dates

Now, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty of executing your rendezvous—it’s time for some strategic planning on your part.

Just as digital evidence can jeopardize your affair, physical evidence, especially during dates, can spell trouble. 

With the risk of being spotted by a friend or colleague of your spouse, meticulous planning is essential.

To avoid raising suspicions, take the time to consider crucial factors like timing, logistics, activities, and crafting a convincing cover story.

Factor	Why should you consider it?	What to do
Timing	Minimizes the risk of being discovered during rendezvous	– Choose times when your spouse is least likely to be suspicious or present
Logistics	Ensures smooth execution and reduces the likelihood of getting caught	– Opt for secluded spots away from public scrutiny – Consider using disguises – Pay using physical cash to avoid financial trail – Know how to hide money during an affair
Activities	Adds an element of excitement and enhances the romantic aspect of the affair	– Plan for activities that can align with the time you have – Carry appropriate supplies for your encounter – Remember to remove physical evidence by washing up
Cover story	Provides a plausible explanation in case of suspicion or inquiry	– Prepare a convincing cover story to explain your movement – Involve friends or create a plausible alibi to support your story

Avoid Suspicion

Preventing suspicion should be a top priority when having an affair.

That’s because it not only safeguards your partner from emotional distress, but also maintains the stability of your relationship.

Since suspicion often arises from your own actions, it’s crucial to assess three key factors:

• Physical evidence around you
• Your verbal communication
• Your non-verbal communication

Considerations	Why should you consider it?	What to do
1. Physical evidence around you	Reduces the risk of detection and suspicion from your partner	– Remove or conceal any physical evidence of your affair, such as gifts, receipts, or love notes – Keep personal items, like clothing or accessories, out of sight to avoid suspicion
2. Be careful about what you say	Minimizes the chance of inadvertently revealing information about your affair	– Always remember your lies – Be vague and don’t advertise your activities – Choose your words carefully – Normalize using a neutral word for your partners e.g. babe
3. Mind your body language	Prevents unintentional signals or behaviors that may raise suspicion	– Control your body language, ensuring it doesn’t betray any signs of guilt or deceit – Don’t make changes apparent e.g. in dressing or behavior – Remain emotionally connected with your spouse – Maintain eye contact and display confidence to deflect any doubts from your partner

How To Keep An Affair Going

Keeping an affair alive isn’t just a walk in the park—it takes effort. 

And if you’ve made it this far, then you definitely appreciate the delicate balance needed to sustain an affair without getting caught.

But whether your affair started casually or out of necessity, it is natural to desire that it keeps going.

Afterall, it does fulfill both your needs, albeit the added challenge of secrecy.

So, what’s the secret sauce for those who have successful affairs that go the distance?

Well, besides maintaining discretion and setting ground rules, we found three key ingredients that can make any extramarital affair work:

• Open communication
• Physical affection
• Mutual satisfaction

Open and Honest Communication

While initial stages of an affair may dazzle with excitement, reality often catches newbies off guard. 

But guess what? Open and honest communication can be your saving grace.

In an affair, both parties usually crave something they’re missing inside but can’t openly express. Maybe it’s a longing for affection or just wanting to feel valued.

And sometimes, talking it out with your affair partner helps with that.

Sharing your thoughts and understanding each other’s needs creates a supportive vibe. Consequently, this openness builds trust, making the connection deeper and more meaningful.

One way to make your affair partner feel loved is by finding common interests with them or even involving them in planning your discreet rendezvous.

Dealing with such challenges head-on, whether it’s dealing with guilt or dodging close calls, lays the groundwork for a strong, lasting bond.

Commit Time For Physical Affection

While emotional connections can last longer, getting physical deeply solidifies the bond in an affair.

Being physically close seals that emotional bond you’ve been building with your partner. 

Plus, it’s a chance to share experiences and show your commitment, especially if you’re in a long-distance thing.

However, the logistics of physical affection can also be tricky. 

When and how often should you meet? And where are the best places to meet? 

Usually, affair partners can meet each other more than once daily, weekly, or monthly. This often happens during daylight hours, and in discreet locations.

But truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. 

At the end of the day, how often you get together and what you do depends on what works best for you and your partner. 

Whether it’s a casual hangout, a proper date, or something more intimate, just make sure it fits your vibe.

Strive For Mutual Satisfaction

Sure, the physical side of an affair can be pretty enticing, but there’s more to it than just that, especially when you’re involved with a married woman.

Though in reality, both the physical and emotional connections play a big role in holding the affair together. And that is why it’s important you aim for mutual satisfaction.

It’s about finding that sweet spot where both of you feel fulfilled without going overboard emotionally. Think discretion, empathy, respect, trust—the whole nine yards. 

Just remember, it’s all about being good affair partners while keeping those feelings in check.

After all, maintaining a balance between passion and discretion is key to ensuring a successful and lasting affair.

Is Having An Affair Really Worth It?

Let’s get real here.

If your goal is to mess up someone’s life, then no, it definitely not worth it.

But even if you’re not out to hurt anyone, having an affair is still not exactly a walk in the park. Especially if things go south and it all blows up in your face.

So, is an affair worth it if you don’t get caught?

Truth is, the worth of an affair is different for everyone depending on why they got into it and how they handle the situation.

Sometimes, amidst the turbulence, you might stumble upon a few silver linings that teach you a thing or two about yourself and your relationships.

And some people may find value in that.

Ultimately, the affair journey is reserved for those who understand its transient nature and the rules it entails. 

It’s for the courageous ones who dare to take the plunge with their eyes wide open, fully acknowledging what lies ahead

Frequently Asked Questions

Do people regret affairs?

Yes, people may often feel guilty and regret hurting their primary partners. 

However, in many cases they may not openly regret the affair itself. This is because it served to fulfill their temporary needs that may have stemmed from neglect or desire.

Can an affair strengthen a marriage?

While most exposed affairs initially cause damage, it is the process of rebuilding a marriage in the aftermath that can strengthen it.

An affair is merely a temporary escape that isn’t meant to last forever. As such you should reflect on the value it provides you towards becoming a better person.

Why do married men have emotional affairs?

Married men may seek emotional affairs due to lacking passion or a strong connection in their marriage, often seeking emotional fulfillment and an escape from stress. 

While these affairs may start emotionally, they can escalate to physical affairs and even romantic relationships over time.

Where can I find a discreet affair?

For discreet affairs, try Ashley Madison or similar married dating sites for effective features. Tinder works too, but is less effective for married people. 

Alternatively, consider workplaces or social settings, but beware of higher risk and complications.

Do affairs just happen?

Affairs don’t just happen. They occur when both parties actively choose to pursue the relationship. This involves attraction, affirmation of feelings, and accommodating the relationship in secrecy. 

You can tell it’s voluntary since there are three distinct stages where individuals make a conscious decision to continue: seduction, secrecy, and consummation.

What is the difference between an affair and cheating?

An affair involves an ongoing secretive relationship outside your primary one, while cheating is broaders, but typically refers to a one-off casual casual fling.

The key difference is the level of commitment and emotional investment and preparation needed to make it work. Affairs often require a high level of both.

How are most affairs discovered?

Nowadays, smartphones are the primary means through which most affairs are uncovered. Whether it’s text messages, emails, or photos sent to affair partners, being careless can lead to discovery. 

To reduce the risk of being caught, it’s crucial to consistently delete digital evidence and act discreetly to avoid arousing suspicion.

How often do you text your affair partner?

How often you text your affair partner depends on your dynamic. Aim for at least twice daily, 3-4 days a week, adjusting as needed. 

Be mindful of expectations. Balance communication with physical intimacy for a more satisfying affair and potentially longer-lasting connections.

Key Takeaways

So, are you still thinking of having a successful affair?

Well, it’s not as easy as you think. For many, it all seems like fun and games until you realize it’s a serious commitment.

First off, you’ve got to think about why you’re starting an affair and how far you’re willing to take it..

Then comes the tricky part—finding the right affair partner and laying down some ground rules.

And eventually, you’ll have to face the music and end the affair because, let’s face it, they weren’t  meant to last forever.

It’s all no small feat.

But hey, all that effort isn’t for nothing, right?

Believe it or not, some affairs can go the mile, even rescuing failing marriages. 

And before you pass judgement, consider this: delving into the complexities of human relationships is what may actually foster deeper connections among us.

So, maybe it’s time we started having more conversations like this.

What do you think?