What is a Mistress?

While the term itself may have multiple meanings, the old-age definition of a mistress is typically any woman who is knowingly involved in a long-term romantic affair with a married man. 

Nevertheless, the term is hardly used in conversational contexts. In most cases, you would often hear “simpler terms” such as the other woman, kept woman, or simply girlfriend. 

But unlike other types of women who may also sleep with married men like side chicks, mistresses differ in that. A mistress is the kind of woman who:

• They appreciate uncovering hidden sexual potential of men stuck in marital union
• They can be married or single
• They are in a long-term relationship with the married man

Essentially, mistresses wouldn’t exist without married men. And that’s partly why understanding what a married man looks for in a mistress is a key factor to consider if you want to find a mistress.

What Does A Married Man Want In A Mistress?

It’s often easy to identify the physical things that a married man would want in a mistress such as sex. And in most cases you would be right until things turn emotional.

That’s because underneath the physical desires are emotional factors that play a big role in the longevity of this kind of extramarital affair. This is what makes it unique and different.

Ideally, the 3 things that a married man looks for in a mistress are:

• An emotional connection
• Excitement
• To feel desired

An Emotional Connection

Nothing quite holds this relationship together the way an emotional connection does. And a good reason behind it helps to temporarily fill a void that exists in the primary relationship.

These temporary escapes, while overwhelming, are still justified because of the emotional fulfilment a married man feels with the mistress. With her, the stresses and responsibilities of daily life are far reduced.

This is often why a married man finds it easy to open up different aspects of their lives to his mistress. Because in her, he feels understood and appreciated.

However, one downside to this is that a strong emotional connection can make a married man fall in love with another woman.

Excitement and Physical Intimacy

A mistress affair comes with its fair share of excitement and novelty which can provide a sense of distraction for the married man. This allows a married man to satisfy his desire for physical intimacy with the added advantage of an emotional connection.

Even though unfulfilled sexual needs could be a factor, the quest for a sexual adventure also relieves boredom and breaks monotony in the primary relationship. What’s more is that sexual compatibility and common interest enhance the desire too.

As such, a married man is likely to go crazy for a mistress if he finds her physically attractive in terms of appearance and personality.

To Feel Desired & Appreciated

A married man’s bond to his mistress forever grows when he feels appreciated. It not only increases his desires for his mistress, but also deepens the trust as he feels validated.

Any sort of neglect in a married man’s primary relationship may also be a big contributor to why a married man would want to have a mistress. That’s because it greatly impacts his:

• Self-esteem
• Confidence
• Status
• Virility

Consequently, any form of compliment, flattery, or affection that a mistress shows to a married man will likely make him want her more. 

How To Choose The Perfect Mistress

Truth is that any woman can be turned into a mistress with the right approach.

But it takes a lot more to know the limits of a mistress affair, especially when it comes to selection. That’s mainly because there are a lot of things at stake for the married man.

Since sleeping with random women can be risky and time-consuming, it is important that you define what a perfect mistress means to you personally.

Luckily for you, we have 3 factors that will greatly help you on this path.

She Falls Within The Ideal Mistress Profile

You don’t have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to finding your perfect match. That’s because there’s already a set of guidelines to consider.

Trait	Considerations
Demographic	Age: Between 25 and 35 years old Relationship status: Single or attached Occupation: Career-oriented Education level: Bachelor
Psychographic	Personality: She has a charming aura around her that is exacerbated by her sense of humor, elegance, and style Interests: She has passionate hobbies and you have a few shared interests with her Values: She’s independent, mature, and holds beliefs or attitudes about important things in life Lifestyle: Her daily habits, routines, and activities reflect a character that you can deal with/enjoy
Physical	Beauty: You love her eyes, appearance, and aura Physique: She takes care of her physical appearance and you took note of this

Note: Location affects frequency of visits, so it is important to be mindful about where she lives. Ideally, you are looking for maturity and a beautiful personality that may be meaningful to you.

She Knows How To Seduce A Married Man

Naturally, this is something you can only tell for a fact only after meeting her physically at least once. But even though it’s out in the open, you have to keep an eye out for a few things.

She can attract a married man	appears kind & nurturing, radiates youthfulness,  is confident,  shows interest,  expresses positive attitude,  Smiles and laughs,  gentle touch,  nostalgic perfume,  flirty body language,  eye contact,  active listening,  dress well,  ask personal info and offer intimate information,  get him alone,
She know how to keep him interested	Knows how to make him miss her – fun without him,  jealousy bits, new dance moves,  not afraid awkward situations,  initiate sexy time,  flaunt physical features he loves about you,  Has made all considerations/clear expectation and understanding of her role in his life,  cares about the man’s needs,  keeps things drama free and fun, handles his lifestyle with respect,  is able to compromise,
She knows how to be a happily married mistress	knows how to be a mistress without getting hurt,  Is open with her feelings,  reasonable with her expectations,  checks in with herself regularly,  has other meaningful relations/hobbies

• Body Language – Any woman who has sexual interests in a man will naturally radiate positive body language. She will thus feel kind and nurturing, highly feminine around you, despite knowing you’re married
• Emotional Cushion – A potential mistress will want to keep his man interested. And that shows easily when it’s clear that she deeply cares about your needs while handling your lifestyle with respect
• Self Care – This is one of the easiest ways to be a happily married mistress. That’s because a married man will always appreciate a woman who is open with her feelings and checks in with herself regularly. 

All these give off a positive signal that shows sexual interest while showing that the woman is in control of her feelings and knows what she’s doing.

She Knows How To Be Discreet

Again, this is another thing you can only discover once you’ve found and interacted with a potential match. Any woman who can stick to the rules of dating a married man is ideal:

Good	Avoid
– She is comfortable with a discreet relationship – She keeps away from family and friends’ locations – She keeps her belongings out of your personal space – She lets you communicate first – She keeps your relationship off social media – She keeps things drama-free	– She calls or texts during odd hours – She wants to turn you into her boyfriend – She wants to change your life – She makes comments about your relationship with your wife – She is jealous of your wife – She expects you to leave your wife

Ultimately, the choice of a mistress will vary depending on your personal preferences. However, it’s best to take into account all the factors that are going to lead to a healthy relationship. 

With this in mind, you should be flexible with your selection since there are limited options where you can get the perfect mistress.

Best Places To Find A Mistress

You can turn almost any woman into your mistress. However, there are a lot of factors that dictate how easy that task will be. And where you go to look for a mistress is one of the considerations that can make or break your experience.

Ideally, there are four main places you can find a mistress with ease. These are:

• Married dating sites
• The workplace environment
• Traditional dating sites
• Social places

Each has its own unique perks, but this doesn’t mean it may be necessarily right for you. As such, it’s important to know a little about each to tell which one serves you best.

Married Dating Sites (Best Overall)

For most people, married dating sites are probably the best way to find a mistress with ease. And that’s because their benefits are perfectly tailored for the married man.

Simply put, they are discreet dating sites and apps for single and married people who wish to explore extramarital relationships. A few notable married dating sites include:

Site	No. of Users	Male to Female Ratio	Starting Price
AshleyMadison
SeekingArrangement
SecretBenefits
WhatsYourPrice

The rise in online dating has caused the popularity of these niche online dating sites to skyrocket. This means that there are hundreds of thousands of potential mistresses you can match with.

Pros	Cons
– Wide variety of like-minded individuals – Offers anonymity for discreet encounters – Convenience and compatibility Safety	– Scams and fake profiles – Risk of exposure

Traditional Dating Apps and Sites

Popular dating apps like Tinder are equally great places to find a mistress, but only if you know how to use them for this purpose. 

They can be handy for people who are already familiar with online dating platforms. However, you should exercise a lot of caution when using them since they aren’t tailored for married people – easy to take offense to.

This means that you’ll be fully responsible for every aspect of the search for a mistress, and this can easily become risky, stressful, and chaotic.

Pros	Cons
– Easy access – Many countries included – Variety of potential mistresses	– High risk of exposure – Swiping/matching  – No like-minded people – Scammers/fake profiles

The Workplace

A good number of extramarital affairs begin in the workplace. As such, it’s not entirely odd to find a mistress in the workplace, especially if she fits your criteria.

This makes the workplace a convenient place because you get to spend a lot of time with your potential mistress. 

However, you’ll likely need to put more effort into the chase compared to married dating sites. This is because there are more risks associated with the workplace.

Pros	Cons
– Convenient – Offers a social connection – More chances of emotional support/Shared understanding	– High risk of exposure – Can interfere with professional reputation – Risk of sexual harassment – It is difficult to end the relationship – Low variety to choose from

Social Places or Events

If you regularly find yourself in social places or events, there are high chances of meeting a potential mistress match. But this does not necessarily mean it will be easy.

Places such as bars, cafes, and restaurants are great for meeting potential matches, but the risks are equally high since most offer little to no discretion.

Thus, you should only consider getting a side-chick from social places or events if you’re good at it

Pros	Cons
– Social connection – Variety	– High risk of exposure – Time consuming getting like minded – Risk of rejection impactful

How To Keep A Mistress Happy

Finding a good potential mistress is just a tiny fraction of the work. Keeping a mistress happy and interested is what allows the relationship to thrive.

Luckily, men are naturally wired to care for women. And that means any married man will equally want to keep his mistress happy because of how he feels about her.

You too can get started on keeping your mistress happy by focusing on three simple things:

• Honesty
• Physical Closeness
• Support

Step 1: Be Clear and Honest With Her

Being honest and open about your situation is vital to keeping the relationship with your mistress alive. It instills trust and respect, which will make the affair easier for both of you.

The key here is to simply create a mutual understanding that allows you to discuss aspects such as your:

• Needs and desires
• Concerns
• Boundaries

Lying to your mistress will likely bring new complications that you did not foresee. This could threaten the longevity of the relationship and lead to its discovery.

It is therefore important to try to be faithful to your mistress if you want a decent experience. However, it is also important not to overshare while you’re at it.

Step 2: Spare Some Time For Her

How a married man treats his mistress directly dictates what he will get out of the relationship. And it all starts with how much of your time you spend on her.

Typically, anything from 2-3 days per month should be sufficient depending on how available you are. But ultimately, you should be in full control of the time you spend with her.

Your time is pegged on your availability, so you’ll naturally want to make the most use of it. But if you’re totally clueless, you can consider some of the activities below, depending on how often you want to see your mistress.

Duration	Activities To Consider	Best For
Short (1-2 Hours)	– Coffee date – Museum or art gallery – Cook a meal together – Play a board game – Watch a movie – Visit the gym – Eat out at a restaurant	Quick, discreet encounters with an intent to meet briefly without attracting attention or disrupting daily routines. Suitable for individuals who: – Have limited time – Are at the early stages of an affair – Want to minimize risk of exposure – Prefer casual interactions
Medium (3-5 Hours)	– Hotels – Private residences – Concerts or shows – Interactive games e.g. bowling – Day spa visits – Scenic drives or short road trips – Cooking classes	More involved encounters that allow for activities that are more engaging than short meetings, yet still confined to part of a day.  Suitable for individuals who: – Have more flexibility in their schedule – Desire a deeper connection – Enjoy shared activities or interests – Seek a balance between regular life and the affair
Long (6+ Hours to multiple days)	– Vacation rentals – Cruise ships and boat tours – Overseas travel – Beach destinations – Camping sites – Theme parks – Hotels or resorts	Extensive and intimate encounters, often involving travel or overnight stays.  Suitable for individuals who: – Seek an escape from everyday life – Are often willing to invest time and other resources in the affair – Have plausible reasons for prolonged absence, e.g. business trips – Are in an established affair

Step 3: Support Her

You’re in luck if you’re already spending time with your mistress and making her feel appreciated. That’s because they are among the highest forms of support you can offer.

Ideally, you should generally aim to be a good affair partner by treating her with respect, kindness, and affection. This allows you to connect with her and make her feel supported.

There’s usually no predefined limit to how far your support can go either. It’s totally fine if you’re able to provide for your mistress financially or through gifting.

Nevertheless, you need to be subtle with your approach especially if it involves gifting of any kind. One wrong move can easily change the nature of your relationship in the long run.

The 3 Rules of Dating a Mistress

Great! Now you can find, choose, and even keep a mistress happy.

But it’s still easy to get lost in this type of relationship especially if you don’t know its boundaries. And that’s precisely why the three main rules of dating a mistress are centered around its key people:

• You 
• Your mistress
• Your spouse

For a relationship with a mistress to work till the end, all the key people need to play their parts. Any slight deviation from their core duties will greatly increase the risk of exposure.

That is why it’s important that:

1. You avoid getting too attached
2. Your mistress doesn’t gain control of the relationship
3. Your spouse is not neglected

Avoid Getting Too Attached

It sounds like a no-brainer that a married man shouldn’t get attached to his mistress. 

But you’d be surprised with how easily a man can fall for his mistress, especially if he’s not in control.

General awareness of the relationship is probably the best remedy to emotional attachment in any affair. And the best part is that you can get started by looking for signs you’ve fallen in love with your mistress e.g.

• A deeper connection with her than before
• Jealousy or possessive behaviour around her
• Increased priority for her over your wife

Once you’ve acknowledged the signs, you should purpose to cut back on your time with her. This can involve doing things such as:

• Not sleeping at her place
• Focusing on your hobbies
• Being ready to end the relationship

Of course, all this won’t be easy regardless of who fell in love first or who slipped. The bottom line is that it will always hurt whenever the mistress leaves the married man. 

So it’s good to always prepare for the end.

Avoid Handing Over Control

As the man, you hold a lot of control over the direction a relationship with your mistress will go. Sadly, losing this power to your mistress is super easy too if you’re not careful.

Don’t Neglect Your Marriage

Married men hardly ever divorce their wives to marry their mistresses. And it’s partly because in most cases, a mistress mainly serves to fill a void in the man’s life.

A married man can easily love his wife and his mistress equally if he sets proper rules at the beginning. But at times, it’s easy to physically or emotionally neglect your spouse. 

Nevertheless, it is never a good idea to leave your marriage for your mistress. Things never work out when a man marries his mistress even after he leaves his wife.

And you certainly won’t have to since balancing both worlds isn’t that complicated.

Simply try to be unbiased with your affection towards both women. However, you should always be ready to prioritize over your spouse if need be.

And most importantly, never admit anything to your wife if any suspicion arises.

Final Take: 

A key takeaway that is clearly evident is that knowing how to find a mistress isn’t a walk in the park. An ideal experience often requires one to journey through an intricate process that requires effort from both parties.

Things can also easily go south in that same process. Whether it be during the early stages of discovery and selection or in the later stages of learning how to keep a mistress happy.

Frequently Asked Questions

What’s the difference between a mistress and a side chick?

“Mistress” and “side chick” can seem similar, but they have different vibes. Traditionally, a mistress has a more long-term, sometimes financially supported, role.

On the other hand, a side chick is often seen as a more casual, less committed relationship. Both, however, indicate extramarital affairs.

Can a married man fall in love with another woman?

Absolutely! A married man can fall in love with another woman. Love doesn’t always follow societal rules, and emotions can be unpredictable.

It can often happen when he lacks something in his primary relationship with his spouse. This can include things like a lack of passion or intimacy.

What are the signs a married man has feelings for his mistress?

A married man with feelings for his mistress might show increased secrecy, a strong emotional attachment, reduced intimacy with his wife, and prioritize time with the mistress. 

Signs like jealousy and possessiveness can also emerge, especially if she perfectly fits into his life.

Where do most affairs happen?

Most affairs start at the workplace, owing to convenience and the time spent together. They can also spark online or in social settings, like events. 

Lately, married dating sites are gaining popularity for their discreet and convenient way to connect, making them a common ground for these connections.

Why does a married man lie to his mistress?

A married man might lie to his mistress to protect his marriage, avoid getting caught, maintain the relationship, or spare her feelings. 

However, it’s important to keep her happy through honesty, making her feel appreciated and valued. This sometimes leads to a delicate balancing act in managing truths.

Will a married man leave his wife for a mistress?

It’s possible, but not always likely, that a married man will leave his wife for a mistress. That’s because many factors play into this decision, e.g., family, emotions, and personal values. 

Often, the complexity of the situation means that these decisions aren’t straightforward or guaranteed.